At heart, I've always wanted to be a filmmaker. In high school I spent my entire freshmen and sophomore summers sweating from sunup to sundown mowing lawns and pulling weeds to finance my impossible dream. With my earnings I picked up an 8mm Sony Handicam, an array of lenses, and anything else I could afford that Filmmaker magazine told me I needed. In my junior year I gathered together a group of friends and prepared to film my favorite comic book, THE CROW by James O'Barr (a full four years before the release of Alex Proyas' gothic actioner).

For one glorious weekend - eight hours on Saturday, four on Sunday - I felt like a bigshit director. I bossed my friends around and shot the same two or three scenes from about a hundred different angles. The next weekend, only two of the original nine friends showed up. No worries, no worries, we shot close ups of guns and bullets (thankfully my friend Jeff came from a hunting family). My friend Carl had long, black hair (just like Eric Draven!) so we shot him glaring at the camera all revenge pissed and evil. And then that was that. Our weekends went back to getting wasted at whomever's parents happened to be out of town. I shot about two hours of unusable footage and wanted to keep at it but nobody was into it. I wanted to carry on alone, but alas, it was hopeless unless I wanted to make an experimental art film (I didn't).

All that being said, Gregory Lamberson's new book CHEAP SCARES! Low Budget Horror Filmmakers Share Their Secrets is one of the most horrifying things I have ever read. Never mind that it's a non-fiction release from McFarland. Never mind that it features thirteen interviews with a diverse cross section of low budget horror luminaries - directors, actors, producers, entertainment lawyers and the like. Never mind that it doubles as a DIY film school. This seemingly innocuous book makes for some seriously blood curdling reading. No, it doesn't delve into True Crime or Genocidal Tragedy or Dysfunctional Family Memoir (non-fiction's trifecta of horror), but man, oh man, did it raise the small hairs on the back of my neck. It touched a nerve with its central message - filmmaking IS a collaborative effort - and drudged up dreadful memories of my own failed, never-was film career. Also, it reinforces the fact that filmmaking is HARD, HARD WORK. Future filmmakers of America beware, this is some scary, scary stuff.

Unless of course you're tenacious to a fault, half-insane and completely masochistic.

CHEAP SCARES divides its time between a series of enlightening interviews and crucial film lessons. The book is broken into twenty-five chapters that alternate between the discussions and Lamberson's no-nonsense take on the entire process of low-budget movie making. The fluff free approach is refreshing. When it comes to making movies Lamberson knows his stuff and he's not afraid to tell readers how it is, warts and all. Articulate, brazen and seasoned, the man pulls no punches making CHEAP SCARES an essential resource for indie filmmakers.

The book's alternating chapters compliment one another - Lamberson breaking down a component of the filmmaking process, then following it up with an interview. The give and take structure works perfectly, but make no mistake, this is no cheap ass (sorry), fly-by-night, we'll-mail-you-your-certificate-in-the-mail film school. Lamberson has spent lots of time in the trenches (he's directed three features including the cult classic SLIME CITY) and knows exactly what it takes (and doesn't) to get a film made. The lessons presented here are comprehensive nuggets of wisdom. The book covers everything from initial ambition (why do you want to be a filmmaker?) to the promotion of the completed project. In between, Lamberson delves deeply into screenwriting, the collaborative process, freelancing, development, pre-production, production, directing, post-production and distribution. Each lesson is supported with an arsenal of helpful ancillaries. The screenwriting section includes sample pages and some basic formatting rules, the same stuff found in many filmmaking handbooks, but CHEAP SCARES benefits from Lamberson's personal and professional experiences. From budget breakdowns to the ins and outs of contracts, it's all here and ready to be put to use.

Especially important is the time given to legalities. Any jackhole can get a camera and begin their trial by fire. If you have a head full of ideas the creative process is the easy part (that's why I write). When making a film, regardless of budget, lawyers are important. Contracts are important. Artists often forget this. Lamberson's anecdotal accounts of frayed friendships and monetary missteps are priceless safeguards against an industry practically foaming at the mouth to screw over the naive.

The interviews are a vital counterpoint to the lessons. They're fun - Lamberson knows many of his subjects and I enjoyed playing six degrees of separation while reading about who worked with whom. I think it might be possible to link Lamberson to almost any person working in the film industry in six degrees or less. Party games aside, the interviews, like the lessons, offer a wealth of insights that are invaluable for filmmakers trying to build a career crafting low-budget horror. The candid discussions provide a workable roadmap.

Want to shoot guerrilla style movies, build a name for yourself, land a gig with Full Moon and then throw your hands up in disgust and set up your own film company? Follow prolific filmmaker J.R. Bookwalter.

How about starring in some good low budget horror films, winning a few writing awards, getting optioned by Showtime and HBO, having Sidney Lumet get behind one of your scripts, landing a development deal with Disney and then launching your own subscription based web horror site? Get on the Robert Craig Sabin track.

Wanna tour the festival circuit, get accepted into American Film Institute's prestigious Director's Workshop for Women, teach a horror themed college class called The Culture of Fear and engage the voices in your head in conversation? Chase after writer/director Devi Snively.

And on and on. Lamberson's subjects bring a wide range of experiences to the table and their stories are priceless case studies.

CHEAP SCARES is a must have for would-be filmmakers. It's an indispensable how-to guide and war stories compendium that should be required reading for anybody who wants to make a movie. For the rest of us, Lamberson's conversational tone separates the work from the cavalcade of sleep inducing filmmaking guides on the market and makes for some mighty entertaining reading. It turns the low-budget film industry inside out and gives us a revealing glimpse at the inner workings of the beast.

Two of my favorite interviews, entertainment lawyer Jerry Gold and accomplished director Larry Fessenden (the awesome WENDIGO, the even awesomer THE LAST WINTER), actually got me thinking that if things are done properly, legally, carefully, with sustained passion, the seemingly unconquerable movie industry can be vanquished. Life is messy, fate and destiny uncontrollable bugbears, but a bit of sound advice goes a long way. As interview subject Devi Snively reminds us by way of Socrates, 'Wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.' Indeed.