In David Lynch's 1986 classic movie, BLUE VELVET, young Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) finds a severed ear in an abandoned lot and is thrust into a strange world of crime and violence in his otherwise serene suburban town. It's a world he never expected to find, launched by that discovery of a body part and a need to know the story behind it.

In Jeff Strand's new book, THE SEVERED NOSE, Josh White comes home one day to find a severed nose on a dinner plate in his dining room. He has no idea how it got there. But finding out why and how it found its way into his otherwise normal life launches him on a similarly disturbing journey. Except in Strand's novel, there are also plenty of laughs along the way, which will come as no surprise to his many fans.

At first, White is terrified by the discovery, and even starts to question his own sanity when a severed ear shows up as well. What horrors! By the time we find out that the body parts are part of a kidnapping plot, to demand a ransom be paid, the story has run away with the reader, and you won't be able to put this book down.

Of course, this being a Strand story, nothing goes the way anyone has planned. The body parts have been sent to (left for?) the wrong Josh White, but our intrepid protagonist is literally dragged into the proceedings anyway, as he finds himself abducted by vicious gangsters. He tries not only to unravel the mystery of the severed nose, but also tries desperately to stay alive in the process.

The reason why THE SEVERED NOSE is so entertaining, though, is because Josh, our narrator, is a complete idiot. Sure, he has reasons for everything he does, and it's not difficult to follow his train of thought, but just about every action he takes guarantees that things will get worse, and eventually spiral out of control.

Along the way there are bickering thugs, a vicious crime lord, a quirky cop, a noseless kidnap victim and his homicidal brother, and a goofy downstairs neighbor who is obsessed with gaming. This last character, a nerd by the name of Preston, is only in the book briefly toward the end, but he was one of my favorite characters and really made me laugh out loud. I certainly wouldn't mind a sequel from Preston's point of view.

To say that THE SEVERED NOSE is an enjoyable read is an understatement. You'll giggle with glee as you roar through the pages, waiting to see what new predicament Josh will get himself into next. Even the more gory scenes will have you chuckling pleasantly. Josh's matter-of-fact attitude toward even the most bizarre circumstances makes him rather hilarious, an attitude which is pretty much summed up in a passage that begins 'Anger is not one of my more common emotions. '

He's also overly polite, constantly afraid of appearing rude, even to people who are tormenting him, and he never, ever curses, no matter how badly the world around him is falling apart.

If you're looking for a fun read that will probably grab you enough so that you'll have to sit down and devour this book in one sitting, then THE SEVERED NOSE is for you. More fun than a barrel of monkeys, if the monkeys were on crutches and trying to dance.

And now. . . wait a minute. What do we have here? A red velvet box. You know, Jeff Strand is well known for his mastery of mixing horror and humor, but few people know that he is also a master of self promotion. It looks like he has sent me a pretty little gift along with his book to review. Let's see what he sent me, shall we?

Hmmm, it's a very life-like human nose. What a wonderful marketing campaign! I wonder if it's candy. And there's a note. I'll read it to you.

Dear LL,
Thank you for reviewing my book. Enclosed is a little bit of marketing fun. A severed nose! Isn??(TM)t that hilarious? However, since I only have one nose, I will need you to send this back so that I can regift it to the next reviewer. Please keep it on ice in the meantime. Thank you.
Signed,
Mr. Strand

Well I guess it's a good thing I liked his book, huh?

And lucky thing this novella isn??(TM)t entitled THE SEVERED PENIS.

Oh well, I better send this back to him. In the meantime, order yourself a copy of Jeff Strand's latest book, THE SEVERED NOSE. You'll have a jolly good time with it.

THE SEVERED NOSE will be published this July by Morning Star, an imprint of Bloodletting Press, in both soft and hardcover limited editions.