OH NO! IT'S SAW VI!

I've seen every installment of the SAW series, and I'd say the hardest part about watching these movies is trying to convince yourself that what you're seeing is actually new. After awhile, these movies tend to all blur together and seem interchangeable. Between the flashbacks to scenes from previous movies, to newly filmed flashbacks to scenes we hadn't seen before (mainly revolving around John Kramer (Tobin Bell) the "real" Jigsaw back when he was alive), and then the same torture devices we've seen in other SAW movies popping up again (how many times can they use that contraption that is like a bear trap for people's heads?), it can get confusing without a score card.

Which isn't to say that I hate the SAW series. I never thought the SAW movies were great, but I've always found them entertaining. Or at least I did for a little while. But it's getting harder and harder to look forward to a new installment when you know it's just going to be a rehash of what you've seen too many times before.

SAW VI starts out promising enough. Two people who were involved in a sleazy loan scheme wake up to find themselves in one of Jigsaw's patented dungeons. There's a scale in between their cages, and the happy old Jigsaw puppet pops up on a TV screen to tell them that only one of them will get out alive, and that person will be the one who cuts off the most flesh from their bodies and tips the scale in their favor. The fat guy starts carving off big chunks of his belly, and the hard bodied woman starts looking really close at her entire arm. Things get gory pretty fast, and frankly, if you're not a fan of gore, then you're probably not going to enjoy these movies even a little bit, because that's the only saving grace here.

But the bloody beginning soon gives way to the latest convoluted plotline. This time around, Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), who, it was revealed last movie, is taking over for John Kramer now that the original Jigsaw has died of cancer, sets about planning his latest theme park of gruesome vigilante justice, while at the same time pretending to investigate the same case as a cop. There are flashbacks to how he inherited the Jigsaw mantle. And the FBI agents he is working with on the case at first seem very cooperative, and then slowly get suspicious. Maybe it's because Hoffman always seems to be hiding something? I've never seen a movie character who seemed more nervous and suspicious all the time!

We also see lots of Kramer back when he was alive. Tobin Bell is the star of this series, after all, and they can't make a SAW movie without him, even though his character died last time out. This time, the story focuses on a heartless health insurance executive who denied Kramer's requests for an experimental cancer treatment. So, of course, this bastard named William Easton (Peter Outerbridge), becomes Jigsaw's main target this time around, and is forced to go through a maze of horrors where employees and family members are put in life or death situations and he has to decide their fates. In almost every instance, someone has to die so that someone else is spared, and the blood on this insurance guy's hands becomes very literal indeed.

Meanwhile, there's lots of intrigue involving Kramer's widow, Jill (Betsy Russell) and a mysterious box her husband left her, which includes some equally mysterious instructions concerning his last wishes.

Even the creative murders this time around aren't all that creative. The gory mayhem in SAW VI includes a group of people tied to a children's carousel that stops every once in awhile so that someone can get blasted with a shotgun, and a guy who gets impaled on a hundred spikes, which are really needles pumping acid, turning the guy to very messy goo (one of the very few highlights). But these seem kind of second-rate compared to some of the elaborate death scenes in previous SAW movies.

At least the script is timely enough. Evil loan providers. Stone cold health insurance providers. At least they know who the bad guys are this time around. And you certainly don't feel sorry for any of these "victims" - since they're not exactly innocent. This awareness of current events was the one aspect of the script I liked a lot. But the preachiness that runs through the entire series is getting a little tiresome at this point. Okay, so these people are forced to make horrible decisions to survive, with the hope that their traumatic experiences will change them and make them appreciate life more and change their ways. How many times can you hit a nail that's already buried in a piece of wood?

It seems silly to even bring up who directed this movie, but this time it's Kevin Greutert, who was the editor on SAW IV and V. He does a serviceable job, but the movie never rises above a typical episode of one of the many CSI clones, when it comes to drama or suspense. Which means he's no better or worse than most of the filmmakers in this series.

I try to find a silver lining in these movies, and even I'm getting hard pressed to find anything good to say about these flicks. The whole point of seeing a SAW movie it to try to recapture the thrill of classic "theme kill" movies like THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES and SEVEN. When the way someone was killed off was as intricate as one of Rube Goldberg's mouse traps. Now, the screenwriters don't even try to be clever. And the ending of SAW VI is maybe the most unsatisfying "to be continued" style ending in the series so far, as you have no doubt that Part 7 is inevitable, and you find yourself seriously wondering why these movies continue to make money anymore. Isn't everyone else on the planet tired of this series yet?

Like TV shows like THE X-FILES and LOST, the SAW movies keep the questions coming so that you'll come see the next installment. Every answer opens the door for still more questions. But unlike those shows, at least the SAW movies tend to give you a lot of answers each time around. The sad part is, after awhile, you just don't care very much.

As you can tell, I really can't recommend SAW VI, but all hope is not lost. It is October after all, and there are always plenty of horror movies this time of year.

If you're looking for something with more thrills and excitement, check out PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, which is still in theaters. This movie has drawn a lot of comparisons to THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, but I actually found the characters here to be a lot less irritating. Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat play an engaged couple who move into their first house together, only to find the place is haunted by some unseen force. Micah starts filming the place 24/7 to find evidence of what's going on, and there are some real "jump in your seat" moments. Well, I'm a jaded old guy, so I didn't find it that scary, but some of the other people in the theater with me were screaming. I really enjoyed it, though, and first-time director Oren Peli directs circles around someone like Kevin Greutert.

And if you've got a strong stomach and are looking for some truly transgressive cinema, just go on over to your local art house theater and you'll see the exact opposite of the SAW movies in Lars von Trier's new movie ANTICHRIST. Von Trier's flick gives us Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg as a couple that loses a child, the severe grief they go through about it, and the way that grief turns the wife into a violent maniac. There's also some stuff about ancient witches, and some serious genital mutilation. ANTICHRIST is disturbing in ways the SAW series has never been, and never will be. So skip the cookie-cutter flick and go see something that will really make your hair stand up in the air like Shemp's wig in a classic Three Stooges short.

And when is the last time that happened?

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